October 8th, 2016
This will forever be a day I remember.
To some, it may have been a typical Saturday, running about with kids, friends, family. Some may be working. Some may have been sleeping in from a long night before. Some may have been studying, laughing, crying, grieving or struggling.
To me, this would be the day I lost a beautiful soul. I lost the vision of having a sweet baby girl or boy to add to our family. This day, I lost a baby.
As I sat in the hospital after I started this message and now it has been about 6 weeks now since our miscarriage. Some knew we were pregnant, and others did not. Some cried and grieved with us, and offered kind words. But many were in the complete dark of what had happened to us. They saw the normal schedule of our life as my family and I moved on.
As it makes me sad to be able to type this next sentence; for me personally, I am ok. I am ok emotionally with what happened probably because of various reasons. It could have been because we were only 6 weeks along in the pregnancy. It could be because I was a biology major in college and I understand why these things happen. It could be because during the weeks before, I prayed to God to either let the baby be ok, or let me be ok with what his plan was for me and our family. Whatever the reason, I was able to pick up and move on with my regular life.
Don’t get me wrong, I still get teary thinking about wanting to move my office to make room for this baby in our last bedroom, or even thinking about moving to a new home. As soon as you see those two pink lines on that stick, you start envisioning what your new life with this little soul will be. Those dreams are hard to shake. But what I also get emotional about is the was stories of many woman who were not as lucky as I was and had heard heartbeats, seen little fingers and toes, and some so close to holding their babies in their arms when this major life event happened.
But no matter what the stage, having a miscarriage happen to you or someone you know, is no small event. When I mention the miscarriage, I have so many woman that tell me they have had 1, 2, sometimes 3 or 4 in their life. Some still struggle to this day to have a baby. It was overwhelming to hear about so many woman that I see, know and am friends with who have struggled with this loss. For them and every woman out there, I cry with you. My heart breaks with you and I want you to know you are not alone.
So many times as woman and men, we are told to keep our emotions in check, don’t overact, keep your problems to yourself. I totally respect the decision to not talk about defining moments in your life, especially if it’s hard. However, I think sometimes we keep these problems in because we do not want to be judged by others, our community and sometimes even ourselves. But what happens if instead of judging other woman for what happens in their life, or how they live their life and take care of their family, we listen with a open heart. Then when we share our stories, we can offer a hand to someone, offer an ear to listen, or just maybe a shoulder to cry on.
Let’s not be ashamed to the things that happen to us, but instead, show light on our heartache. When we bottle up our emotions and stories, that shame can over take us, telling us that you are damaged, screwed up, or un-loveable. It’s when you start speaking the truth that those shame voices start to lose their breath. Speaking your story not only helps heal you, but it helps heal others. Let our story be a light for someone who is struggling now. Let our story be the source of inspiration for someone who may be going through something similar but they feel alone. Let our story be a beacon of hope that things do get better.
Share your story…share your wisdom…share your love…
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